Anyone who tells you that living together is like being married is full of crap, in my humble opinion. There’s a sense of being married yes; you have joint bills, animals, responsibilities blah blah blah. But once you cross that threshold into being legally bounded (bonded?!) together, there is something more.

Right now, my husband and I are experiencing that something more. We’re invested in each other, and that means that is he is going through a rough spot, then I need to be there for him. That means my other stuff (blogging, commenting, reading, writing, what have you) goes on the back burner.

So, that’s where I am. I’m going to be doing recaps (with honesty) but the other stuff I had planned is just going to have to wait.

This is the reason why my posts have been scattered and DIY and 365 rather than anything of meat. But don’t worry. I’m coming out of my proverbial closet, and I’m going to be honest about all of the wedding stuff —  the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Hope you’re ready.

To be honest, I have no thoughts.

Everyone insists on asking me if I am nervous, scared, worried, etc. And I’m not. Is that strange?

Honestly, I feel ecstatic. I feel that this is probably one of the single most right things I have ever done. But for some reason, I guess I am supposed to be nervous.

Obviously there are things I’m stressed about. Like paying for it all and maintaining peace with certain people. But overall? I can’t control if people are enjoying our wedding. I can’t control their feelings.

What I can control is me. And I am in love. I am making a choice that feels amazing. And I can’t wait to begin.

When is it okay to become a bridezilla? Is it ever?

via: The Durtty Bride

I feel like I have stayed incredibly up beat during the planning process. I’ve had two maids of honors step down, familial issues on both sides, a dress that disappeared then re-appeared only to not fit me at all, mailing issues, money issues and on top of all that I moved to Lincoln Nebraska and began a Doctoral program.

I have maintained a great attitude through it all. I really have, don’t judge me.

But now, now I feel like perhaps I should be a bridezilla.

Why? Because our pastor has recently called us to let us know that he can’t do our wedding.

Honestly, I feel bad for the guy. He’s taken over as a head pastor, and as such has stepped into a messy problem. And the church is telling him he can’t leave for a Saturday to do our wedding.

Have I mentioned that we are 12 days out? I didn’t? We are.

So, my question comes in because I feel like a doormat. I don’t know what else can go wrong. Well, I do, and it probably will go wrong. I suppose what I really don’t know is how to handle it anymore.

A friend of mine was just in a wedding the past weekend and she recounted to me the horror that this bride was. Ignoring birthdays, not providing enough food, being a jerk for the most part.

But her dress showed up. She didn’t have anyone step down. Her pastor was there.

I get that this is an incredibly irrational train of thought, but I would be lying to say it’s not there and present in my head.

So, would it be okay for me to fly off the handle yet?

Just as a side note, another friend of ours, in response to this newest conundrum said: “Why can’t you believe it? It is exactly the sort of thing that would happen to you guys.”

Touché my dear friend, touché.

We all know one. There’s someone who doesn’t believe in marriage because of X-Y-Z. Daddy issues, failed relationships, failed marriages they’ve known.

I get that these are legitimate issues. I’m training to be a psychologist for God’s sakes.

But seriously? Leave my marriage alone. You don’t know me, at least not as well as you think you do. You don’t know why we chose to get married. You don’t know our beliefs about marriage. You don’t know if we struggled to make the decision to wed or are just jumping in. You don’t know our relationship.

So let it be.

I understand that marraige is a patriarchial establishment. I understand that often times, women get the short end of the stick. But, you have no idea who I am marrying.

Love is a greeting card myth? Perhaps, in some ways. But you know what? My love isn’t. Our love has stood tests that you have no idea about. We’ve seen healthy relationships in our lives. We understand that marriage is work, because our relationship has been work. Because our parents have worked at their marriages.

We’ve made an incredibly adult decision, and we know that divorce is not an option. And we’re committed to that. Are you?

And my wedding will sure as hell not be the best day of my life, thank you very much.

Yup.

They will receive an invoice which will be mailed out on 11/30. Recognizing that normal mailing turn around time is 4 days, we will allow 2 weeks between re-billings before we send their information to a collection agency.

Bet you didn’t know that RSVP was a contract huh?

An example of the proposed invoice:

Please click to enlarge.

*Please, dear God, know we are joking. Though, if you’re not able to make it, a call would be greatly appreciated.

I like kids. Chet likes kids. However, we had not intended on kids coming to the wedding. There a multiple reasons for this, some being that we’re having the whole shebang in a historic building with historic, expensive, breakable things. We also felt that it’s hard to have an intimate ceremony when kids are running around and being kids.

Hear that: they are just being kids! We just didn’t particularly want that at our wedding.

Well, we were over-ruled. And, that’s okay I suppose. This was one of those things that it was easier just to say bring the kids and we’ll get over it.

So, now I am trying to figure out how to keep the kidlets occupied.

One bride posted some great pictures and ideas:

1. Cover their tables in butcher paper so they can color on the table.
2. Coloring books (to be used with colored pencils – must not ruin your dress!)
3. Fun stickers
4. Pipe cleaners
5. Puzzles

via: landlocked bride

Minus the “must not ruin your dress” comment, these are some good ideas. And cheap, because that is really important to me currently.

Thoughts? Ideas?

“Engaged women don’t need another voice telling them they’re failing. It doesn’t matter if it’s a voice of tradition telling them they’re wrong for wanting to have their wedding in the round, or a voice of nontradition telling them they’re wrong for wanting to wear a white dress — brides need encouragement and support. This is all to say, your wedding isn’t a race, and there’s no need to win — the only prize you need is the commitment of your partner (aww) and you get that no matter what.” – Ariel Stallings

I also want you to know what I mean when I say I love you, and what I promise you as we take this new step together.

When I say I love you, I mean that I feel a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a you. I am filled with a feeling of intense desire and attraction towards you. I feel a sense of underlying oneness with you that fills my heart with joy.

I give my love to you freely, as an expression of my own passion, and I do so without any expectation of your feelings toward me.

When I say “I love you” it doesn’t mean that I feel ownership over you, or that I have expectations for your behavior, or rigid ideas of our future together.

I love you for what you are now, not for what I hope you will someday become. I have no plans to change you. I do, however, support your own desire to grow.

I respect your right to you having your own feelings, and to your need to learn your own lessons in life. If I can help, I will wait to be asked, and otherwise will allow you to go through the experiences that you need and choose.

I will do my best to be in touch with my own feelings and desires, and communicate them to you without any expectation that you will act on them.

I am happy with or without you. My bliss is my responsibility alone.

I leave you free to be yourself: to think your thoughts, indulge your tastes, follow your inclinations, behave in ways that you decide are to your liking. I have no right to judge or change your behavior.

I desire that you be happy. If your time spent with me is not joyful, then you are welcome to go on your way with my love and support still with you.

I recognize that we are two separate whole people, who have chosen to walk side-by-side through life for a time. I rejoice in the ecstasy of the present-moments we share together.

Via: Joy is Now

But, for now, I am going to blog about a blog who blogs about wedding. Heh.

That blog is A Practical Wedding written by the wonderful Meg. Meg and her partner were married two months ago in what seems to be a lovely wedding. She just did her wedding recap over this past week.

The Welcome Picnic
Getting Ready with Lots of Grins
Ketubah Signing
The Aisle Walk
And On Transcendence
With a love like that, you know you should be glad
A Really Great Party
The end, or really a beginning

Even if you don’t read through those posts (though, in my humble opinion, I think you should!) just look at those pictures. That wedding is beautiful. I know, I know. That’s said about everyone’s wedding because pictures are just amazing.

But “watching” this woman go through her wedding process has been a joy.

Chet has touched on the ‘Indie Bride’ movement in a blog once. He basically did that blog because I was complaining how now I feel like there is a new standard (the indie bride) and it’s just flat out frustrating.

I love that Meg, and her blog, represent brides of all kinds. Some who are traditional, some who are budget weddings, some who are just weddings, some who are crafty, and others who aren’t. She takes a bride who is going crazy with planning, and brings them back to earth.

Well, she does that for me at least.

Anyhow, go read some of her sanity. I’m really excited that there is someone who makes me feel comfrotable about my wedding.

Also, that conversation she has with her partner about her aisle walk… that will totally be me. I am scared sh*tless about getting married. I know, right?