Archive for the ‘advice’ Category

Ode to marriage

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

I know I promised honesty, and I will. But right now, I must focus on the good in life.

Anyone who tells you that living together is like being married is full of crap, in my humble opinion. There’s a sense of being married yes; you have joint bills, animals, responsibilities blah blah blah. But once you cross that threshold into being legally bounded (bonded?!) together, there is something more.

Right now, my husband and I are experiencing that something more. We’re invested in each other, and that means that is he is going through a rough spot, then I need to be there for him. That means my other stuff (blogging, commenting, reading, writing, what have you) goes on the back burner.

So, that’s where I am. I’m going to be doing recaps (with honesty) but the other stuff I had planned is just going to have to wait.

Ponderings on the event

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

I haven’t spoken much about the wedding, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. This is because I’m still trying to catalog all of my feelings from it. Some feelings good, some feelings bad, and some feelings in between.

This is the reason why my posts have been scattered and DIY and 365 rather than anything of meat. But don’t worry. I’m coming out of my proverbial closet, and I’m going to be honest about all of the wedding stuff —  the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Hope you’re ready.

Thoughts on my last day

Friday, November 20th, 2009

That sounds a bit morbid. I just mean my last day as a single person.

To be honest, I have no thoughts.

Everyone insists on asking me if I am nervous, scared, worried, etc. And I’m not. Is that strange?

Honestly, I feel ecstatic. I feel that this is probably one of the single most right things I have ever done. But for some reason, I guess I am supposed to be nervous.

Obviously there are things I’m stressed about. Like paying for it all and maintaining peace with certain people. But overall? I can’t control if people are enjoying our wedding. I can’t control their feelings.

What I can control is me. And I am in love. I am making a choice that feels amazing. And I can’t wait to begin.

When is it okay?

Monday, November 9th, 2009

I have a question.

When is it okay to become a bridezilla? Is it ever?

via: The Durtty Bride

I feel like I have stayed incredibly up beat during the planning process. I’ve had two maids of honors step down, familial issues on both sides, a dress that disappeared then re-appeared only to not fit me at all, mailing issues, money issues and on top of all that I moved to Lincoln Nebraska and began a Doctoral program.

I have maintained a great attitude through it all. I really have, don’t judge me.

But now, now I feel like perhaps I should be a bridezilla.

Why? Because our pastor has recently called us to let us know that he can’t do our wedding.

Honestly, I feel bad for the guy. He’s taken over as a head pastor, and as such has stepped into a messy problem. And the church is telling him he can’t leave for a Saturday to do our wedding.

Have I mentioned that we are 12 days out? I didn’t? We are.

So, my question comes in because I feel like a doormat. I don’t know what else can go wrong. Well, I do, and it probably will go wrong. I suppose what I really don’t know is how to handle it anymore.

A friend of mine was just in a wedding the past weekend and she recounted to me the horror that this bride was. Ignoring birthdays, not providing enough food, being a jerk for the most part.

But her dress showed up. She didn’t have anyone step down. Her pastor was there.

I get that this is an incredibly irrational train of thought, but I would be lying to say it’s not there and present in my head.

So, would it be okay for me to fly off the handle yet?

Just as a side note, another friend of ours, in response to this newest conundrum said: “Why can’t you believe it? It is exactly the sort of thing that would happen to you guys.”

Touché my dear friend, touché.


Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

We all know one. There’s someone who doesn’t believe in marriage because of X-Y-Z. Daddy issues, failed relationships, failed marriages they’ve known.

I get that these are legitimate issues. I’m training to be a psychologist for God’s sakes.

But seriously? Leave my marriage alone. You don’t know me, at least not as well as you think you do. You don’t know why we chose to get married. You don’t know our beliefs about marriage. You don’t know if we struggled to make the decision to wed or are just jumping in. You don’t know our relationship.

So let it be.

I understand that marraige is a patriarchial establishment. I understand that often times, women get the short end of the stick. But, you have no idea who I am marrying.

Love is a greeting card myth? Perhaps, in some ways. But you know what? My love isn’t. Our love has stood tests that you have no idea about. We’ve seen healthy relationships in our lives. We understand that marriage is work, because our relationship has been work. Because our parents have worked at their marriages.

We’ve made an incredibly adult decision, and we know that divorce is not an option. And we’re committed to that. Are you?

And my wedding will sure as hell not be the best day of my life, thank you very much.